Chapter eleven

THE INVASION OF THE ROACHES!!!

It's getting hot down here so that means they're here as well....the roaches. Needless to say EW! I hate roaches, not because they're bugs, no no no. I hate them because I know what's on them. dun dun dun. GERMS!! *woman screams in the distance*. I actually respect and find roaches cute, just not in my house where I eat and sleep. *cringe*
One bolted down the hall AT me the other day, so I panicked and screamed for father, you see, I was bare foot and therefore unarmed. Dad made quick work of the scuttling thing and posed victoriously like superman after defeating Lex Luther once again (that last part in my head of course, yeah that's a new thing now. I'm going to tell you how I imagine the world through my eyes. In reality, he glared at me for disturbing him and lumbered off to his cave.) Many hours after dad had gone to sleep I decided to join him in slumber land. I had just finished my nightly routine of turning off all the fans and AC when I got to the hall and flicked on the light (I rarely have them on when I wonder about the house at night), I internally died a little from fright. There on the ceiling, blocking the path to my room and shoes (a.k.a lethal weapons) was a big, fat, roach. The flying kind, the ones I feared the most. There it was looming in my hall way ready to strike (actually it didn't even know I was there, roaches can only see light and dark, and the poor thing was blind and frightened from me turning on the light). Something inside of me snapped. An insect was stopping and frightening I, a human being, from entering my own living quarters. It was war!! I dashed to the kitchen and grabbed the ammonia. I stood before my arch foe (who had just met a mere minute ago) and took deadly aim (as much aim as you can take with a mist spray bottle). I laughed manically as I fired at fowl creature (the laughter was in my head dad was asleep after all). It fell to the ground stunned (flailing). I took this momentary pause in the battle (battle?) and heroically leaped (tip toed) over (around, pinned to the wall), running (fleeing) to my room. I grabbed the nearest weapon (shoe) and let out a feral battled cry (hyperventilating). Before I knew it the thing was crushed under my might (shoe in hand). I returned triumphant to my bedroom to the applause (in my head) of my adoring public (stuffed animals strewn about the floor).
Until my next heroic tail, toodles~!

Chapter ten

There I was, glaring at my toes. The ones I used to be able to touch, but now either my back or right hip, usually louder, screams in protest to the simple task of bending over and touching the little piggys. Gritting my teeth from the pain I bent further, so close, just a few more centimeters. Then a shock wave of pain ripples through my body. I stifle a scream in my throat, tears well at the corners of my eyes. I will them not to fall....but its hard. It's my right hip again. No matter what I do it hurts. I am in no way a weak person, after all I've brushed the pain aside for months now, but no mater how strong of a person you are; if you are in pain for long enough you will drop to your knees and beg for it to stop. Just please stop. I've tried everything. Joint supplements, yoga, exercises, and resting, lots of that.....it just won't stop. I get a few moments of peace if I don't move but eventually I'll have to get up and I dread it. I know it's going to hurt.
I'm laying on my side now in the middle of the floor, waiting for the throbs of pain emanating from my hip to stop, they always do if I don't move. I've been playing off the pain with jokes and laughter for months now but it's starting to get to me. I used to think my back was as bad as it was going to get, then my hip started to hurt more and more. I just can't take it anym-
NO! I grit my teeth and get back up. Straighten my legs and bend over, 'I will touch them this time.' I chant this in my head and ignore the pain. I can do it!....
Then another shock wave. This one's worse. I can't give up. I refuse to lose my mobility. I'm FUCKING EIGHTEEN!! How can I be losing my mobility already? This can't be happening. It can't.....Why does it hurt?
I'm crying now. I scream a bit....Why can't I touch them? I'm eighteen.....Why do my ankles pop? Why does my back hurt if I stay still and crackle when I move? Why do my knees feel like they're going to give out sometimes? Why does my neck hurt? Why do my joints creek? Why am I thinking of joint replacements at eighteen?....I'm scared....What if it gets to the point where I can't move?
No! I'm stubborn. Ask anyone. I will touch them!!....Will I?....I don't know but I'll keep trying. I won't give up....I can't...if I do....I'm scared of what will happen.

Chapter nine

I was out at an ungodly hour once again for my morning constitution wearing a very evilly satisfied smirk as a kicked another helpless dandelion. Throwing my head back I cackled at my twentieth victory over the puffballs that morning. I returned to sidewalk (what little sidewalk Perry had that is) and went about my business merrily (I'm pretty sure I looked like a loon to what few onlookers there were). Passing another lamp post I watched as my shadow grew and grew then I halted abruptly making the shadow that had just creeped up beside mine jump...Ever so slowly I looked over my shoulder glaring daggers at the hooded man that stood there. The hood cast a very dark shadow over his face so as to who had interrupted my morning constitution I do not know but that would not stop me from trying to bore a hole in his head with my eyes. Even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was puzzled. Usually people would walk faster or run or at least be scared if some stranger was following them in the dark with no bystanders to speak of but no, not I. I stood firm with an annoyed scowl on my face. I didn't even turn all the way around to greet the stranger. The man's head tilted slightly in the general direction of my right pocket so I looked down at it curiously. Oh yeah, my ipod was in there. I looked back at the would be mugger and smirked as I retrieved the desired electronic form my pocket. The stranger gripped something in his own pocket, what I could only assume was a weapon of some sort. I reared my head back and barked loud deeply unsettling laughter into the early morning air making the stranger jump. As abruptly as I had begun I stopped and glared at the man once more, all amusement gone from my face. In a monotone voice I said to the man, "You want this? Over my dead body." The man stiffened even more confused, I could see the wheels turning in his head trying to make sense of the situation. The extremely jumpy man jumped once again as I whipped out my trusty pocket knife, the blade glinting in the yellow glow of the street lamp. "Let's dance." I sneered at him, extremely irked at this situation. The poor man turned tail and ran from the loon. I cackled after his retreating back and pocketed my knife and ipod once more humming merrily as I continued on my way as if nothing had happened. Quiz time everyone!!! Did this really happen or did I fabricate the whole story? Please post your answers in the comment area. Until next time, happy trails everybody!!

Chapter eight

I've started what I call morning constitutions. Early morning walks. Before the cock crows, before the first pot of coffie is brewed, before the first yawn or moan of "oh no I have to get up" is breathed I leave my abode to venture into the everlasting twilight here. You see it never gets dark in the little town of Perry I call home. Oh no, there are far to many lights for night to ever come here. Rarely do I ever glimpse the stars here. Ironically the only stars I see are from the glittering of a broken bottle on the corner under a street lamp. I stop in my morning constitution to marvel at it's simplistic and over looked beauty. I smile then turn my gaze to the gray sky above me and frown....I wish they twinkled down at me instead of up at me. Shrugging I continue to my lovely Rosar Park, which from my morning visits, I have come to love. It's quiet here...I like when its quiet...no noisy barking dogs and on cold nights like this not even a cricket chirps here.....so peaceful. I hop up onto the highest swing because its the only swing in which my feet don't scrape the ground. It squeaks as I begin to rock back and forth to start my pendulum momentum. I swing higher and higher then go limp letting the momentum I've built up take its corse.....peaceful.....I love it here....where its quiet.....so nice....

Chapter seven

Good Girl

I never asked for all those happy years
I never asked for you to kiss away my tears
I never asked for your loyalty
or your ability
to make me smile
with you silly style.
Your chocolate eyes
were all I needed to silence my cries.
When we were younger
and I grew somber,
Nine the clock would chime
because it was bed time,
You would open my door
and climb into bed to snore
beside me
I'd cuddle up to you with glee.
I'd kiss you goodnight
Your kiss back was always a slight
bit wetter than mine
but that was fine.
A little later across the ocean I flew
and I had to leave you
I died
a little inside
after that my life
was filled with strife.
Years passed and I back tracked
home but still your presence I lacked.
Years more I begged and pleaded
and went unheeded.
But finally my dad gave way
and once again with us you came to stay.
When you and I were reunited
my joyful cries could not be quieted.
You were older, eyebrows turned white,
with poor eyesight.
You sagged
Your eyes bagged.
I didn't care
If you were worse for ware,
Again I was fine
because you were mine.
We didn't have much more time together.
Often you were under the weather
I was alarmed at you lumps girth
....you were not much longer for this earth.
Soon you weren't able to sleep tight
during the night
Your lungs would strain
You were in pain
The realization hurt deep
It was time to let you sleep.
You were so warm
With you head cuddled in my arm
The syringe pushed in
Your eyes drooped thin
I lean in near
To your triangular ear
And whisper just before you go
Goodbye, I love you Cocoa.

-In memoriam of my old saggy dog. You were a good girl. ~Died 2010

A few of my tears drip onto my hands with the last lines. My breathing more labored, my vision blurred by visions of the past and the love they stir up. I will always miss and never forget my brown saggy dog.

On her last day she took a small nap. Her legs twitched and the sides of her mouth tweaked up in a smile. One day stuck in my head as the cute scene played before me. Of a day long since past when both I and her were more nimble. Dad had just cut the lawn. Cocoa and I decided this was the perfect time to play in the sprinkler. We jumped and rolled about getting covered head to toe with the fresh clippings. She bit at the water and I joined in with trying to vanquish our liquid foe. This memory played again and again in my head. I wondered if this is what she she was dreaming.

Chapter six

I know that I talk about waking up a lot but it is very important. How you greet the day usually predicts how the rest of the day is going to be.

I had set my alarm for eight AM, attempting to get into the habit of sleeping at regular hours instead of my usual five AM to three PM. Alas, my efforts were feeble at best for as soon as the first high pitched beep sounded I promptly turned the red glowing menace off. My lethargic ways had bested my responsible side once again. My apathy was strong and well exercised, my poor small and rarely used sense of responsibility didn't stand a chance.

The reasons for my attempt at waking early were my up coming math test that I needed to study for and the quizzes that need to be completed online before hand. I had already completed one and only one more remained but you see, I am well versed in the art of procrastination so this would be completed at the last second against my better judgement. In fact writing this is part of that very procrastination. It's not that I don't like math, no sir, I rather enjoy it.

I think my procrastinatory ways stem from my stubborn nature and I mean stubborn. I do not an any way really mind having to do any task but if I am told to do a task then it becomes the vain of my existence no matter how small or simple the task is. Take yesterday for example: My dad had kindly asked me to do a small and reasonable task, clean off the couch. It was my clutter the said furniture and I had already been planning to tidy it up but now I had been told to do so. I just quickly nodded uttering my usual, "OK" which translated to 'no'. My dad had sighed leaving for work knowing the mess would still be there when he got back...and it was.

What's odd is that I have never had a problem completing work at school. Now homework I never did but class work I always had completed diligently. Maybe this was because the teacher assigned work to the class and not me individually or perhaps it was because of my ego that loved to feed on my classmate's praise for my intelligence. Whatever the reason it was done.

Yes I have a very large ego that likes to be fed but I'm not obnoxious and in your face about it like most swelled heads are. No I'm much more subtle with it which is why I have so many close and good friends who are there for me when I need them and vise versa. I don't really blame myself for my ego because it's not really my fault. I have been praised my whole life for my hair, looks, intelligence, drawing abilities, writing skill, and nice nature. I'm also used to my peers fighting over who's group I'm going to be in for group projects. So is it any wounder I have a swelled head?

Ok, enough about my ego.

I had a horrible nightmare last night about Cocoa, my dog. She is a very old chocolate Labrador. I've had her since she was a puppy, well almost since she was a puppy. There were a few years in which I was separated from her but that's a story for another time. She has a growth on the left side of her neck that she keeps scratching till the point of bleeding and since she's old she doesn't heel all that well. Dad and I usually bandage it up with a combination of napkins and duct tape. Recently I noticed that it had started to get bigger. As I tenderly inspected it's new size my heart sank. I knew she was old and that I didn't have much more time with her but this meant that I might lose her even sooner. I manage to keep myself somewhat calm as I told dad about my horrid discovery but as soon as he I finished our short chat about what to do I quickly retreaded to my bathroom, turned on my ihome, sat down on my toilet and cried. I had lost Cocoa once and just the mere thought of losing her again made my heart throb in pain. I've lost pets before and had cried for them. I loved them I truly did but their actual deaths didn't hurt half as much as just the thought of Cocoa's. I'm actually crying right now, my monitor blurred by the tears.

In the dream Cocoa had scratched off her entire left side. There was blood everywhere. She was completely hallow inside with pink fleshy walls. The only thing inside her vast pink cavity was her small and withered beating heart suspended in the middle of her chest by thin pink strings of flesh. It was beating so weakly but it was the only thing I could hear as I desperately tried to close the gaping whole with duct tape. Coaco calmly licked at the blood soaked floor as if nothing was wrong. I screamed desperately for my dad but he never came. I jumped awake at the sound of my alarm clock. Peeling the sweat soaked sheets off of me I got up to turn it off.

That wasn't my first disturbing dream about her. The first one the growth had grew to the size of a basket ball. I had just helped Coaco up like always to move her into the living room with me because of her separation issues. She new the routine so I fallowed behind her down the hall carrying he pillows. The massive fleshy lump bumped into the wall knocking off a bloody chunk. Panicked, I dropped the pillows and rushed to her to try and stop the spurts of blood. One step away from her she...fell in half. Her organs spilling out as her back half fell down as her front half dragged itself a little further. My bare feet slipped on the the crimson slicked floor and I fell into her strune out organs. I screamed as I struggled to get to her head, slipping all the way. When finally I got there, soaked and wide eyed, I picked up her still attached head and watched horrified as her pupils dilated. I held her tightly as I cried and screamed until my throat was raw. I woke up crying...

I just paused in my typing to look over my shoulder at her sleeping just outside my door, tears slipping down my face. I silently mouth, "I love you."

....I have to go study now. Till next time...

Chapter five

I'm in college now and have a lot of responsibilities that are solely on my shoulders. Dad has said that he won't be pestering to do my work anymore (when has he ever done that in these past few years anyway?). Most of my assignment will be given to me online and I already have three of them. Two of them are due tomorrow at midnight and I haven't even started on them. I'm not worried about them in the slightest either. I've never really been worried about school work or getting an education. When I was younger I lied about being sick (I'd did get sick a lot but not as much as I let on) just to get out of going to that wretchedly boring place called school. F was my most common grade back then and it really surprises me I was never held back. Well most of my failing was because I hadn't starting taking Aderal yet for my ADHD. Once i started taking Aderal A's became very easy for me to acquire with minimal effort on my part. This pattern (excepts the pretending to be sick, I got bored of it.) continued through high school. I still don't know what I'm fully capable of if I really set my mind to it. I've always said that I wanted to go to college but the truth is I never really cared if I did or not. My dream is to be a deep sea marine biologist but I don't really care if I achieve my goal or not. I'm just that laid back.

I woke up today thinking of how much longer i could put off my college work and still be able to get it done in time to turn it in before the dead line. Still undecided on weather I'd actually do some word today or not I ate breakfast. Then on a whim I decided "well...Dad's already put so much money into me going to college and I've told everyone that I was going to get a 4.0 average....might as well do it." That's is how I decided that I'm actually going to try this time. That was my actual thought process that made me take my Aderal so that I could finally start doing some work. Anti climatic, I know.

I didn't really know how long it took my Aderal to kick in so I just waited fifteen minutes, picked up one of my class books and started reading my assigned chapters. Well before that I put a sheet over my recliner, retrieved my rat Penelope, then sat down with her to read. She scampered about all excited. It had been awhile sence I had last held her and she was ecstatic. I tried to concentrate on my reading but she kept getting in the way. He little paws lightly touching the pages as she sniffed the new book smell happily. Little whiskers flicking back and forth rapidly. I could help but giggle at her antics. Penelope started nibbling at the pages ever so gently. I didn't stop her. I had owned enough rats to know when they were trying to destroy something and when they were just investigating. Their mouth was the equivalent to hands for us. Those teeth I knew to well could exert immense power and destroy my very expensive and new book easily, but right now they were so gentle and inquisitive I couldn't help but stop and watch in awe as she continued her inspection of the unfamiliar object. She soon finished with the book and began to inspect me like she always did. No matter how many times she saw me she had to make sure that nothing had changed about me. I think she's OCD. She sniffed in my ear, tickling me, causing me to giggle happily. Then it hit me all over again. This is why I want to be a Zoologist. This is why I wanted to go to college. I love animals and nothing on this earth makes me happier than to just watching them go about their day. To learn about their habits, likes, dislikes, etc. For the first time in my life I was actually motivated to reach my goal. Thank you Penelope.