There I was, glaring at my toes. The ones I used to be able to touch, but now either my back or right hip, usually louder, screams in protest to the simple task of bending over and touching the little piggys. Gritting my teeth from the pain I bent further, so close, just a few more centimeters. Then a shock wave of pain ripples through my body. I stifle a scream in my throat, tears well at the corners of my eyes. I will them not to fall....but its hard. It's my right hip again. No matter what I do it hurts. I am in no way a weak person, after all I've brushed the pain aside for months now, but no mater how strong of a person you are; if you are in pain for long enough you will drop to your knees and beg for it to stop. Just please stop. I've tried everything. Joint supplements, yoga, exercises, and resting, lots of that.....it just won't stop. I get a few moments of peace if I don't move but eventually I'll have to get up and I dread it. I know it's going to hurt.
I'm laying on my side now in the middle of the floor, waiting for the throbs of pain emanating from my hip to stop, they always do if I don't move. I've been playing off the pain with jokes and laughter for months now but it's starting to get to me. I used to think my back was as bad as it was going to get, then my hip started to hurt more and more. I just can't take it anym-
NO! I grit my teeth and get back up. Straighten my legs and bend over, 'I will touch them this time.' I chant this in my head and ignore the pain. I can do it!....
Then another shock wave. This one's worse. I can't give up. I refuse to lose my mobility. I'm FUCKING EIGHTEEN!! How can I be losing my mobility already? This can't be happening. It can't.....Why does it hurt?
I'm crying now. I scream a bit....Why can't I touch them? I'm eighteen.....Why do my ankles pop? Why does my back hurt if I stay still and crackle when I move? Why do my knees feel like they're going to give out sometimes? Why does my neck hurt? Why do my joints creek? Why am I thinking of joint replacements at eighteen?....I'm scared....What if it gets to the point where I can't move?
No! I'm stubborn. Ask anyone. I will touch them!!....Will I?....I don't know but I'll keep trying. I won't give up....I can't...if I do....I'm scared of what will happen.
