Chapter six

I know that I talk about waking up a lot but it is very important. How you greet the day usually predicts how the rest of the day is going to be.

I had set my alarm for eight AM, attempting to get into the habit of sleeping at regular hours instead of my usual five AM to three PM. Alas, my efforts were feeble at best for as soon as the first high pitched beep sounded I promptly turned the red glowing menace off. My lethargic ways had bested my responsible side once again. My apathy was strong and well exercised, my poor small and rarely used sense of responsibility didn't stand a chance.

The reasons for my attempt at waking early were my up coming math test that I needed to study for and the quizzes that need to be completed online before hand. I had already completed one and only one more remained but you see, I am well versed in the art of procrastination so this would be completed at the last second against my better judgement. In fact writing this is part of that very procrastination. It's not that I don't like math, no sir, I rather enjoy it.

I think my procrastinatory ways stem from my stubborn nature and I mean stubborn. I do not an any way really mind having to do any task but if I am told to do a task then it becomes the vain of my existence no matter how small or simple the task is. Take yesterday for example: My dad had kindly asked me to do a small and reasonable task, clean off the couch. It was my clutter the said furniture and I had already been planning to tidy it up but now I had been told to do so. I just quickly nodded uttering my usual, "OK" which translated to 'no'. My dad had sighed leaving for work knowing the mess would still be there when he got back...and it was.

What's odd is that I have never had a problem completing work at school. Now homework I never did but class work I always had completed diligently. Maybe this was because the teacher assigned work to the class and not me individually or perhaps it was because of my ego that loved to feed on my classmate's praise for my intelligence. Whatever the reason it was done.

Yes I have a very large ego that likes to be fed but I'm not obnoxious and in your face about it like most swelled heads are. No I'm much more subtle with it which is why I have so many close and good friends who are there for me when I need them and vise versa. I don't really blame myself for my ego because it's not really my fault. I have been praised my whole life for my hair, looks, intelligence, drawing abilities, writing skill, and nice nature. I'm also used to my peers fighting over who's group I'm going to be in for group projects. So is it any wounder I have a swelled head?

Ok, enough about my ego.

I had a horrible nightmare last night about Cocoa, my dog. She is a very old chocolate Labrador. I've had her since she was a puppy, well almost since she was a puppy. There were a few years in which I was separated from her but that's a story for another time. She has a growth on the left side of her neck that she keeps scratching till the point of bleeding and since she's old she doesn't heel all that well. Dad and I usually bandage it up with a combination of napkins and duct tape. Recently I noticed that it had started to get bigger. As I tenderly inspected it's new size my heart sank. I knew she was old and that I didn't have much more time with her but this meant that I might lose her even sooner. I manage to keep myself somewhat calm as I told dad about my horrid discovery but as soon as he I finished our short chat about what to do I quickly retreaded to my bathroom, turned on my ihome, sat down on my toilet and cried. I had lost Cocoa once and just the mere thought of losing her again made my heart throb in pain. I've lost pets before and had cried for them. I loved them I truly did but their actual deaths didn't hurt half as much as just the thought of Cocoa's. I'm actually crying right now, my monitor blurred by the tears.

In the dream Cocoa had scratched off her entire left side. There was blood everywhere. She was completely hallow inside with pink fleshy walls. The only thing inside her vast pink cavity was her small and withered beating heart suspended in the middle of her chest by thin pink strings of flesh. It was beating so weakly but it was the only thing I could hear as I desperately tried to close the gaping whole with duct tape. Coaco calmly licked at the blood soaked floor as if nothing was wrong. I screamed desperately for my dad but he never came. I jumped awake at the sound of my alarm clock. Peeling the sweat soaked sheets off of me I got up to turn it off.

That wasn't my first disturbing dream about her. The first one the growth had grew to the size of a basket ball. I had just helped Coaco up like always to move her into the living room with me because of her separation issues. She new the routine so I fallowed behind her down the hall carrying he pillows. The massive fleshy lump bumped into the wall knocking off a bloody chunk. Panicked, I dropped the pillows and rushed to her to try and stop the spurts of blood. One step away from her she...fell in half. Her organs spilling out as her back half fell down as her front half dragged itself a little further. My bare feet slipped on the the crimson slicked floor and I fell into her strune out organs. I screamed as I struggled to get to her head, slipping all the way. When finally I got there, soaked and wide eyed, I picked up her still attached head and watched horrified as her pupils dilated. I held her tightly as I cried and screamed until my throat was raw. I woke up crying...

I just paused in my typing to look over my shoulder at her sleeping just outside my door, tears slipping down my face. I silently mouth, "I love you."

....I have to go study now. Till next time...

Chapter five

I'm in college now and have a lot of responsibilities that are solely on my shoulders. Dad has said that he won't be pestering to do my work anymore (when has he ever done that in these past few years anyway?). Most of my assignment will be given to me online and I already have three of them. Two of them are due tomorrow at midnight and I haven't even started on them. I'm not worried about them in the slightest either. I've never really been worried about school work or getting an education. When I was younger I lied about being sick (I'd did get sick a lot but not as much as I let on) just to get out of going to that wretchedly boring place called school. F was my most common grade back then and it really surprises me I was never held back. Well most of my failing was because I hadn't starting taking Aderal yet for my ADHD. Once i started taking Aderal A's became very easy for me to acquire with minimal effort on my part. This pattern (excepts the pretending to be sick, I got bored of it.) continued through high school. I still don't know what I'm fully capable of if I really set my mind to it. I've always said that I wanted to go to college but the truth is I never really cared if I did or not. My dream is to be a deep sea marine biologist but I don't really care if I achieve my goal or not. I'm just that laid back.

I woke up today thinking of how much longer i could put off my college work and still be able to get it done in time to turn it in before the dead line. Still undecided on weather I'd actually do some word today or not I ate breakfast. Then on a whim I decided "well...Dad's already put so much money into me going to college and I've told everyone that I was going to get a 4.0 average....might as well do it." That's is how I decided that I'm actually going to try this time. That was my actual thought process that made me take my Aderal so that I could finally start doing some work. Anti climatic, I know.

I didn't really know how long it took my Aderal to kick in so I just waited fifteen minutes, picked up one of my class books and started reading my assigned chapters. Well before that I put a sheet over my recliner, retrieved my rat Penelope, then sat down with her to read. She scampered about all excited. It had been awhile sence I had last held her and she was ecstatic. I tried to concentrate on my reading but she kept getting in the way. He little paws lightly touching the pages as she sniffed the new book smell happily. Little whiskers flicking back and forth rapidly. I could help but giggle at her antics. Penelope started nibbling at the pages ever so gently. I didn't stop her. I had owned enough rats to know when they were trying to destroy something and when they were just investigating. Their mouth was the equivalent to hands for us. Those teeth I knew to well could exert immense power and destroy my very expensive and new book easily, but right now they were so gentle and inquisitive I couldn't help but stop and watch in awe as she continued her inspection of the unfamiliar object. She soon finished with the book and began to inspect me like she always did. No matter how many times she saw me she had to make sure that nothing had changed about me. I think she's OCD. She sniffed in my ear, tickling me, causing me to giggle happily. Then it hit me all over again. This is why I want to be a Zoologist. This is why I wanted to go to college. I love animals and nothing on this earth makes me happier than to just watching them go about their day. To learn about their habits, likes, dislikes, etc. For the first time in my life I was actually motivated to reach my goal. Thank you Penelope.

Chapter four

I laid down on the leather couch looking up at my mom, her face illuminated by the monitor. We were talking about something none memorable when the topic of her hoard of photos back in the states. I knew she'd never do anything with them but she insisted me and dad keep them all the same. A little spark lit in her eyes, that tell tale twinkle of remembrance. She hoped up and retrieved a large zip lock bag of pictures from days gone buy. Sitting back down, she took out the photos one by one, explaining each and naming the familiar faces. After the brief explanation she would hand the picture to me and I'd look at it, smiling at the ones I remembered. The pile on my stomach grew to the point where it was starting to become difficult to breath, but I ignored the lack of oxygen, I was to busy enjoying my mom's slight smile throughout the flashbacks. Revisiting lovely days at the beach, grandpa messing about, the smell of grandma's cooking filling up the house, the first days of my sister's and my life. We were so little. I think she misses holding us like that.

This was to days ago.
I love you mom.

Chapter three

Today I woke up an eighteen year old young woman, then fell promptly back to sleep. When i awoke several hours later my breakfast was quite cold. Mother usually forces me awake so that I can eat a warm meal, but today was my birthday, so she let me sleep awhile longer. I like sleeping, so I didn't complain about microwaving the cold edibles.

and that was my birthday morning.
write more soon.

Chapter two

Today was the day before my birthday, but I had a party. It was early so that my boyfriend Finian could come. He is going on vacation tomorrow and will be gone for a week...I have to go back to the states in a week. I might not see him again. He is the first man I've ever truly loved. We said goodbye in the park where we first met at four days ago. Those four days seemed like a wonderful dream I never wanted to wake up from...sadly it seems I've woken up now and my heart aches. I know that it wasn't goodbye for ever. I can still talk to him online....but I may never be able to hug him again, smell him again, or kiss him again. I thought I was inlove once before with another, but I never cried like this-hurt like this when I left him after two years. I only spent four days dating Finian, it shouldn't hurt this much. I know that this pain will subside soon and I will get on with my life, but I will never forget him....and there will always be a part of heart that belongs to him.

Goodbye Finian...talk to you online soon.


Aishiteru. Ja ne.

Chapter one

My mother person finally succeeded in pestering me into having a blog. Though I have to thank her I do enjoy writing quite a bit.
The sun awoke hours ago, it's light pierced my eyes waking me from my slumber prematurely. I grumbled in response, burrowing further into my feather quilt to escape the annoying rays. The new found darkness allowed me to once again to dream of distant lands, familiar faces, and sugar plumbs. This time my dreams were short for my mother awoke me after only two hours later with a warm kiss to my forehead. A mother's kiss is always warm and always welcomed even if the child cringes. They always love smooches from mother, they just don't want anyone else to know.

And that was my morning.
Write more soon.