Chapter six

I know that I talk about waking up a lot but it is very important. How you greet the day usually predicts how the rest of the day is going to be.

I had set my alarm for eight AM, attempting to get into the habit of sleeping at regular hours instead of my usual five AM to three PM. Alas, my efforts were feeble at best for as soon as the first high pitched beep sounded I promptly turned the red glowing menace off. My lethargic ways had bested my responsible side once again. My apathy was strong and well exercised, my poor small and rarely used sense of responsibility didn't stand a chance.

The reasons for my attempt at waking early were my up coming math test that I needed to study for and the quizzes that need to be completed online before hand. I had already completed one and only one more remained but you see, I am well versed in the art of procrastination so this would be completed at the last second against my better judgement. In fact writing this is part of that very procrastination. It's not that I don't like math, no sir, I rather enjoy it.

I think my procrastinatory ways stem from my stubborn nature and I mean stubborn. I do not an any way really mind having to do any task but if I am told to do a task then it becomes the vain of my existence no matter how small or simple the task is. Take yesterday for example: My dad had kindly asked me to do a small and reasonable task, clean off the couch. It was my clutter the said furniture and I had already been planning to tidy it up but now I had been told to do so. I just quickly nodded uttering my usual, "OK" which translated to 'no'. My dad had sighed leaving for work knowing the mess would still be there when he got back...and it was.

What's odd is that I have never had a problem completing work at school. Now homework I never did but class work I always had completed diligently. Maybe this was because the teacher assigned work to the class and not me individually or perhaps it was because of my ego that loved to feed on my classmate's praise for my intelligence. Whatever the reason it was done.

Yes I have a very large ego that likes to be fed but I'm not obnoxious and in your face about it like most swelled heads are. No I'm much more subtle with it which is why I have so many close and good friends who are there for me when I need them and vise versa. I don't really blame myself for my ego because it's not really my fault. I have been praised my whole life for my hair, looks, intelligence, drawing abilities, writing skill, and nice nature. I'm also used to my peers fighting over who's group I'm going to be in for group projects. So is it any wounder I have a swelled head?

Ok, enough about my ego.

I had a horrible nightmare last night about Cocoa, my dog. She is a very old chocolate Labrador. I've had her since she was a puppy, well almost since she was a puppy. There were a few years in which I was separated from her but that's a story for another time. She has a growth on the left side of her neck that she keeps scratching till the point of bleeding and since she's old she doesn't heel all that well. Dad and I usually bandage it up with a combination of napkins and duct tape. Recently I noticed that it had started to get bigger. As I tenderly inspected it's new size my heart sank. I knew she was old and that I didn't have much more time with her but this meant that I might lose her even sooner. I manage to keep myself somewhat calm as I told dad about my horrid discovery but as soon as he I finished our short chat about what to do I quickly retreaded to my bathroom, turned on my ihome, sat down on my toilet and cried. I had lost Cocoa once and just the mere thought of losing her again made my heart throb in pain. I've lost pets before and had cried for them. I loved them I truly did but their actual deaths didn't hurt half as much as just the thought of Cocoa's. I'm actually crying right now, my monitor blurred by the tears.

In the dream Cocoa had scratched off her entire left side. There was blood everywhere. She was completely hallow inside with pink fleshy walls. The only thing inside her vast pink cavity was her small and withered beating heart suspended in the middle of her chest by thin pink strings of flesh. It was beating so weakly but it was the only thing I could hear as I desperately tried to close the gaping whole with duct tape. Coaco calmly licked at the blood soaked floor as if nothing was wrong. I screamed desperately for my dad but he never came. I jumped awake at the sound of my alarm clock. Peeling the sweat soaked sheets off of me I got up to turn it off.

That wasn't my first disturbing dream about her. The first one the growth had grew to the size of a basket ball. I had just helped Coaco up like always to move her into the living room with me because of her separation issues. She new the routine so I fallowed behind her down the hall carrying he pillows. The massive fleshy lump bumped into the wall knocking off a bloody chunk. Panicked, I dropped the pillows and rushed to her to try and stop the spurts of blood. One step away from her she...fell in half. Her organs spilling out as her back half fell down as her front half dragged itself a little further. My bare feet slipped on the the crimson slicked floor and I fell into her strune out organs. I screamed as I struggled to get to her head, slipping all the way. When finally I got there, soaked and wide eyed, I picked up her still attached head and watched horrified as her pupils dilated. I held her tightly as I cried and screamed until my throat was raw. I woke up crying...

I just paused in my typing to look over my shoulder at her sleeping just outside my door, tears slipping down my face. I silently mouth, "I love you."

....I have to go study now. Till next time...